Parenting/Behavioral Issues
New Tools in your Tool Belt
Obviously, when a parent has concerns that their child is being defiant or challenging the parent...sometimes the parent gives in because it is easier, but eventually will be more difficult in future events. New tools are needed as a parent to help control yourself...as well as your child.
Have you ever felt this way about your child?
- Is your household in a constant uproar because your child does not listen, wants to take the lead and will not obey any rules?
- Does your child make you feel that you are a failure because of the way they behave, sometimes out of control and disrespectful?
- Are you embarrassed in public because of how your child treats you? Even friends and family notice that your child is in control and you are not!
- Have you worried about your child's future in continuing in their behavior as they get older? Perhaps carrying over this behavior at school or even getting in trouble with the law as they get older because they do not observe the rules and do not have respect for authority?
- Has their behavior altered your personality where you yell all the time and are short tempered with not only your child but with everyone in the house?
- Are you doubting yourself as a person/parent because of the way your child disrespects you and talks back to you?
- Are you overwhelmed because of how your child treats you and at times you don't even want to come home and deal with the stress that your child creates for you?
- Do you sometimes wonder how the rest of your life is going to go with the relationship with your child and fear that you will hate him/her all their life?
- Have you used charts and incentives with your child only to give up because they simply do not work?
Why Do Children Misbehave?
Some generalizations...
· She's just doing that for attention
· You're too strict with her, she's acting out
· You're too lenient with him, he needs more rules
· She was born like that!
Don't believe generalizations! In short...children behave negatively because their needs are not being met. Children learn to behave the way they do...some-to control their own environment/ others because there are not rules in place so they create their own. There is not a rulebook that fits every child in parenting.
In counseling, the parent addresses the challenges of the child with the counselor. The counselor not only assesses the child, but also the parent in their parenting style. Too many times parents are not consistent and the child learns quickly that what the parent says...the parent does not mean. Because the mold is does not fit every child, the counselor needs to interview the parent, at many times does not even meet the child. With guidance from the counselor, the parent over time finds the tools that are right for their tool belt, which works with their child.